The past few days have been "good" days. I've been able to try and eat a few more things which is nice but I'm still trying to figure out how to get all my protein and water in daily. Protein is my biggest problem because things taste so strong and sweet to me. I have only drank water since my surgery and have been so wanting a Dr. Pepper or a sweet tea and both of those are big no-no's.
My next appt is a week from today and I'm looking forward to it because I have a lot of questions which I will write down cuz I always seem to forget. I feel like I call them with stupid questions all the time. I think I'm right on track on losing and healing. Next week Im going to become faithful and walk a lot more than I do now it's just so darn hot outside it's hard to wanna get out into it.
This week was the first time EVER I told my husband what my weight was at pre-op. He keeps telling me no matter the numbers he loves me and doesn't ever or hasn't ever viewed me as fat, that I'm perfect the way I am/was. I'm grateful to have such a great husband.
Alright that is all for now... Check back soon for updates... =)
Friday, May 22, 2009
something I wrote last week
I had my surgery on May 11, 2009.... Now I'm wondering if it was the right thing to do and would love to have a reversal. I have so many emotions running through me that I just can't get a handle on. Maybe that is part of the process I just don't know.. I feel helpless not like myself.
I can't sleep because I don't own a recliner and I can't lay flat on my back without causing every other part of my body to hurt. I sleep only a couple hours at a time in the living room on a chair.. It's not comfy but at least I can sleep for 2 hours a night right. I try to nap but get woken up by the kids being loud well just being kids I guess.
My husband is to go back to work on Monday but I don't feel emotionally ready to be alone with my 3 yr old all day. I only take my pain meds at night because I don't feel that I need them during the day and once he goes back to work I will have to cut that out because I have to take kids to and from school.
I've really tried to be positive but after pretending all day the real me emerged with all my self doubt. I think I dove into this surgery too quickly after meeting with the surgeon only about 2 1/2 weeks.. But I had been in the process of getting it done before we got orders to move here to Sheppard AFB, TX. So I had done a lot of research on it well before hand.
I want to be happy looking into the furture but I can't see past the I can't sleep... I don't get enough fluids even though I drink all day. I'm afraid to eat even with the Bypass Diet sheet right in front of me. I long for the test of pizza while the aroma fills my house even though I'm not hungry that is the only smell I have been able to tolerate.
If I could go back in time I would have back out of the surgery and been 100% ok with it. Maybe I am just supposed to be a fat woman and I didn't think I was ok with that but I have come to accept it over the years. I feel so isolated I only have my husband that I know here and I feel cut off from all my friends from back home. At least if we were still in SC i would have the support of my friends.
My husband tries but when I'm crying he gives me a hug and tell me to stop because It will be worth it to me in a couple of weeks. I know tha tis probably the case but don't dismiss my feelings so quickly.... I can't sleep but he has not once offered to sleep in the living room with me so I wouldn't be alone. I feel so damn alone that all I want to do is curl up in a ball and not be bothered by anyone.. Too bad it hurts too much to do that all I can do is walk, sip and sit on the chair and try to get some sleep but that isn't working none of it. Maybe I'm afraid of faliure after this and lose the weight just to regain it all later.
Hell if I know I'm just really emotional and have no where to turn but my blog here. People that aren't close family or friends don't even know I had the surgery because I am afraid they would think I took the easy way out over diet and exercise.... Just put me out of my misery for another day I guess fuck I don't know....
Guess getting my feelings out in the open here are better than botteling them up... I just don't know....
I can't sleep because I don't own a recliner and I can't lay flat on my back without causing every other part of my body to hurt. I sleep only a couple hours at a time in the living room on a chair.. It's not comfy but at least I can sleep for 2 hours a night right. I try to nap but get woken up by the kids being loud well just being kids I guess.
My husband is to go back to work on Monday but I don't feel emotionally ready to be alone with my 3 yr old all day. I only take my pain meds at night because I don't feel that I need them during the day and once he goes back to work I will have to cut that out because I have to take kids to and from school.
I've really tried to be positive but after pretending all day the real me emerged with all my self doubt. I think I dove into this surgery too quickly after meeting with the surgeon only about 2 1/2 weeks.. But I had been in the process of getting it done before we got orders to move here to Sheppard AFB, TX. So I had done a lot of research on it well before hand.
I want to be happy looking into the furture but I can't see past the I can't sleep... I don't get enough fluids even though I drink all day. I'm afraid to eat even with the Bypass Diet sheet right in front of me. I long for the test of pizza while the aroma fills my house even though I'm not hungry that is the only smell I have been able to tolerate.
If I could go back in time I would have back out of the surgery and been 100% ok with it. Maybe I am just supposed to be a fat woman and I didn't think I was ok with that but I have come to accept it over the years. I feel so isolated I only have my husband that I know here and I feel cut off from all my friends from back home. At least if we were still in SC i would have the support of my friends.
My husband tries but when I'm crying he gives me a hug and tell me to stop because It will be worth it to me in a couple of weeks. I know tha tis probably the case but don't dismiss my feelings so quickly.... I can't sleep but he has not once offered to sleep in the living room with me so I wouldn't be alone. I feel so damn alone that all I want to do is curl up in a ball and not be bothered by anyone.. Too bad it hurts too much to do that all I can do is walk, sip and sit on the chair and try to get some sleep but that isn't working none of it. Maybe I'm afraid of faliure after this and lose the weight just to regain it all later.
Hell if I know I'm just really emotional and have no where to turn but my blog here. People that aren't close family or friends don't even know I had the surgery because I am afraid they would think I took the easy way out over diet and exercise.... Just put me out of my misery for another day I guess fuck I don't know....
Guess getting my feelings out in the open here are better than botteling them up... I just don't know....
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Part 2
Well since I have been home there have been a lot of emotional up and downs... More downs but there are some ups. It's hard to say goodbye to the one thing that made me feel happy and relieved the stress I was feeling for so long. It's like losing that one friend that you can tell anything to. At least that is how it feels for me...
Friday May 15, was my follow up appt and Dr. Warnock was happy with my progress and removed the rest of the staples I had. I couldn't cringe because Dj was in the room with me and I didn't want him to freak out if he thought I was being hurt. Dj loves to protect me from everyone.
I have been off my pain meds since Saturday and finally getting some sleep because before Monday the only sleep I would get was 2-4 hours at the most a night. IT was really driving me insane. Tylenol PM works wonders for me and so happy I can take it cuz it knocks me out when I'm having problems.
So that is about as up to date as I got for now...
Today it's a good day so far waiting to call and ask a couple questions to the nurse and go from there. There is still some slight uncomfortableness but I'm dealing with it. I still can't bend over so my house looks like a tornado went through it owell it will get cleaned and it's not all that bad just not clean enough for me...
So that is where I stand.... I'm 10 days post op and feel a lot better things are slowly moving in the right direction..
Friday May 15, was my follow up appt and Dr. Warnock was happy with my progress and removed the rest of the staples I had. I couldn't cringe because Dj was in the room with me and I didn't want him to freak out if he thought I was being hurt. Dj loves to protect me from everyone.
I have been off my pain meds since Saturday and finally getting some sleep because before Monday the only sleep I would get was 2-4 hours at the most a night. IT was really driving me insane. Tylenol PM works wonders for me and so happy I can take it cuz it knocks me out when I'm having problems.
So that is about as up to date as I got for now...
Today it's a good day so far waiting to call and ask a couple questions to the nurse and go from there. There is still some slight uncomfortableness but I'm dealing with it. I still can't bend over so my house looks like a tornado went through it owell it will get cleaned and it's not all that bad just not clean enough for me...
So that is where I stand.... I'm 10 days post op and feel a lot better things are slowly moving in the right direction..
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I'll start from the begining ~ Part 1~
April 21, 2009 - I had my first consultation with the surgeon. I was going in knowing what I wanted which was the lap band. After discussing it and hearing what he thought would be best for my success I began thinking about gastric bypass. When they called the following week to set up surgery dates because Tricare had already approved it. I decided that I wanted gastric bypass.
The craziness began May 4 went in for an ultrasound for my gallbladder...
May 6 went in for my pre-admit at the hospital and a nutrition class and then my pre-op appointment with my doctor who is Dr. Warnock.
Monday May 11th I woke up extra early to shower before heading to the hospital. I was nervous but didn't want to stress Dieter out about it because he was pretty tense I could tell. We went back to a room about 5:30 or so and I got to change into a wonderful gown with just my socks on. Dieter and I dozed on and off until about 9 and that's when the party started. Two nurses came to hook me up to an iv which was brutal, gave me a shot and then something to relax. I was next so it would be anytime from there on out. About 10 or 1030 they came and wheeled me down to the surgery waiting area. I talked to all the nurses seen the dr and the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist put something in my iv, i kissed Dieter goodbye. I remember being wheeled into the OR room and moving to the OR table but then nothing until I woke up.
Boy was I in a lot of pain when I woke up it felt like I had been hit by a semi and that isn't even an exaggeration. Every time I would fall asleep the O2 monitor would go off because my o2 levels went low. So I had to sleep at a huge incline and take deep breaths when it would go off. I was moved into a room after I wanna say a couple hours but I was so out of it I don't know. Dieter stayed with me until I sent him away to come home to check on DJ. All I did was sleep but they did get me up and had me walk before I went to sleep for the night.
Tuesday May 12, was a little better still in some pain but not as bad. I took a shower and felt refreshed and relaxed. I did a lot more walking throughout the day but getting out of the bed was horrible. They took out the cath and in IV which meant no more pain pump.
Wednesday May 13, rolled around and Dr. Warnock came to check on me and told me that I would be discharged. I waited around for awhile and the nurse came in. He removed every other staple placing steristrips in their place. He also took my drain out it hurt a little but it was strange all rolled into one. Then the IV after the paper work was finished Dieter was on his way to bring me home. I was so happy to see Dj.
The craziness began May 4 went in for an ultrasound for my gallbladder...
May 6 went in for my pre-admit at the hospital and a nutrition class and then my pre-op appointment with my doctor who is Dr. Warnock.
Monday May 11th I woke up extra early to shower before heading to the hospital. I was nervous but didn't want to stress Dieter out about it because he was pretty tense I could tell. We went back to a room about 5:30 or so and I got to change into a wonderful gown with just my socks on. Dieter and I dozed on and off until about 9 and that's when the party started. Two nurses came to hook me up to an iv which was brutal, gave me a shot and then something to relax. I was next so it would be anytime from there on out. About 10 or 1030 they came and wheeled me down to the surgery waiting area. I talked to all the nurses seen the dr and the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist put something in my iv, i kissed Dieter goodbye. I remember being wheeled into the OR room and moving to the OR table but then nothing until I woke up.
Boy was I in a lot of pain when I woke up it felt like I had been hit by a semi and that isn't even an exaggeration. Every time I would fall asleep the O2 monitor would go off because my o2 levels went low. So I had to sleep at a huge incline and take deep breaths when it would go off. I was moved into a room after I wanna say a couple hours but I was so out of it I don't know. Dieter stayed with me until I sent him away to come home to check on DJ. All I did was sleep but they did get me up and had me walk before I went to sleep for the night.
Tuesday May 12, was a little better still in some pain but not as bad. I took a shower and felt refreshed and relaxed. I did a lot more walking throughout the day but getting out of the bed was horrible. They took out the cath and in IV which meant no more pain pump.
Wednesday May 13, rolled around and Dr. Warnock came to check on me and told me that I would be discharged. I waited around for awhile and the nurse came in. He removed every other staple placing steristrips in their place. He also took my drain out it hurt a little but it was strange all rolled into one. Then the IV after the paper work was finished Dieter was on his way to bring me home. I was so happy to see Dj.
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